Bourne of frustration

What is it with women and films?  Ok, so that may be a bit of a generalisation but in my life the men chose films whilst the women chose reality tv.  Reality - what ever that is meant to be...  Before children my wife and I would rent out a film every weekend.  It'd be an occasion, an event, accompanied by nibbles and treats - it was something we looked forward to.  Since the children have arrived on the scene it's been a different matter.  My wife declares that she "doesn't have time" to watch a film, yet would happily sit through three hour long back-to-back episodes of "Extreme Makeover - Home Edition" with the garishly wowser-due Ty Pennington.  Go figure.

So it was with total delight and amazement when a month or so ago she asked to watch "The Bourne Identity" and loved it.  Now it's a great film so I happily sat and watched it again.  What I was amazed about what the fact that she was watching a pursuit film.  My wife has a sort of chasing fobia.  That is she actually fears being chased so refuses to watch any film where someone is being chased.  Well that pretty much wipes out any action film then...  But she loved The Bourne Identity so I jumped on the opportunity and suggested a handful of other action films, none which actually lived up to Jason Bourne but hey, it was a step in the right direction.

A week or so ago I'd noticed "The Bourne Supremacy" on tv so quickly recorded it and waited for the right time.  On the face of it, last night seemed to be the right time - we'd eaten our dinner with the kids and gotten them into bath and bed at a sensible hour.  Then sods law hit - the kids wouldn't sleep and our eldest (Reece) was up and down out of bed for the first hour.  "I can't watch the film until I know the kids are asleep" was the response - fair enough I suppose.  Then the washing machine decided to break down in the middle of a cycle with a load of the most important clothes inside.  Great.  So followed a textathon with some neighbourly friends, trying to find a vacant machine to finish our load on.  Nothing.

Which brings me on to texting.  Why oh why do women feel the need to write war and peace on every text?  Last night couldn't be "hi, got an emergency, our washing machine is broke, can I use yours?", oh no, it had to be the very in's and out's of a ducks arse before getting round to asking.  And then the reply - again lines and lines of text.  When we did finally find a friend who would help Gem asked me if she thought she should use their machine and not just go down the launderette instead.  After all, she didn't want to inconvenience them.  Oh for fucks sake.

The film was interrupted and subsequently paused for each and every one of these texts but we got there in the end.  Next up?  Yep I'm a glutton for punishment so I'm now looking out for "The Bourne Ultimatum"

Center Parcs - Part 4

Day 5: The final day and an early start for us all (except Lincoln who happily lay in until we woke him up).  Gem was on a mission as always, frantically packing, organising, arranging, checking and double-checking until the piles of bags and luggage was ready for me to magically pack like some Tetris style game into the car.  We'd been so incredibly lucky with the weather all week that I suppose rain was well overdue and if I was going to moan it would be just to say that it only seemed to rain on the walk to get the car and whilst I was packing the car, all other times it appeared to stop.

It's a max-exodus at Center Parcs at 10am so I sent Gem and the boys off to the bowling alley fully expecting to meet them in time for our 10:20am game but I got stuck in the traffic and didn't get to them until near on 11am.  What amazed me was that without cars, the whole environment at Center Parcs is one of calm, happy (if not tethered by kids) people.  As soon as you put cars into the equation people change.  Those who were once calm, patient and accommodating were suddenly short tempered, impatient and self-centred.

Anyway we finally re-convened, finished our game of ten pin bowling, had a quick few games in the arcade and went for lunch.  And that, my friends, was pretty much our holiday.

So what I have I learnt in the past week?  Well I've learnt that even on holiday I still have to take out the trash; that I can still only see the usual night stars even when living in the deepest, darkest woods; that Gem's obsession with ants really knows no limits and that alcohol really does cure anything.  But seriously, I've best learnt how flexible and adaptable the kids are.  Place them in a strange place away from all of their creature comforts and they excel.

Center Parcs is a marvellous place for children.  I know that they have to accommodate kids in every corner of the site but they really do it so well.  Every restaurant has a great children’s play area; there are no funny or sarcastic looks from other people or staff when your children wander off or throw a paddy; there are no pretences, no competitive nature, no expectations and seriously, nothing is too much trouble.  All the other parents are lovely, everyone happily gets on with each other safe in the knowledge that you are all in the same situation, all struggling together in this wonderful life of trying to bring your children up in the best way you can.  I'd recommend it so go and have some fun!

Center Parcs - Part 3

Day 4: Reece was in at about 6.15am (these mornings are getting earlier every day) but we did our best to stick a sock in his mouth until 7am.  Honestly that boy has verbal diarrhoea from the moment he wakes till the moment he eventually falls asleep, it's very entertaining.

We had set our plan out much better today with swimming in the morning, archery at midday and pottery painting in the afternoon.  It all worked pretty well.  The challenge today was really to wear out Reece has he is adamant that he never gets tired.  Oh I remember those days of endless energy...  In fact it wasn't that long ago that I professed to never getting tired despite a heavy work load, heaving gym training and surviving on just a handful of hours sleep per night.  That, my friends, was before children.  Now Reece has taken my powers and I am left in a perpetual zombie state brought on by being run ragged by my successors.  I wish them well...

Lincoln was an absolute joy all day - I've really enjoyed my time with him over this holiday and felt that we've really become very close.  At times it seems that he only wants me and despite still not being able to talk seems to be able to hold a full conversation via grunts and pointing much to all of our amusements.  He was great in the swimming pool today and had everyone laughing at the pottery painting.  What is really lovely is that just before bath-time I take both Reece and Lincoln out through the patio door and down the 15m to the lake where we feed the congregation of ducks and moorhens.  It's a tradition which they installed on the first day and just a lovely daily 10 minutes which I'll treasure for a long time.

Center Parcs - Part 2

Day 3 started with a poke in the face - well that was Reece's way of waking me from what felt like another short-lived sleep, followed by a knee in the arm ("sorry Daddy").  With a tree-trekking activity booked for Gem at 10.45am we had a bit of a lazier start arriving at the "trees" dead on time.  Gem's activity consisted of being hooked up to cable running from the ground to the tree tops with various obstacles to get from the beginning to the zip wire end.  From the ground it looked reasonably tame and most of the children doing it seemed to be having a no-fear blast.  The adults on the other hand, with their very own fear factor tended to nervously giggle somewhat hysterically throughout the ascent.  Needless to say we enjoyed watching her just as much as she did completing it.

Next up was an hour in the arcade playing shoot-em-ups and driving games for Reece before lunch.  We've found it a bit tricky trying to keep Reece entertained throughout the day whilst contending with finding gaps during the day for Lincoln to have his nap.  I'm not sure if "spoilt" is the right word but unless Reece is getting exactly what he wants, when he wants it we're getting paddies and tantrums which is a tad frustrating.  We're torn between being firm (and subsequently making the situation temporarily worse) or compromising and feeling like he's getting his own way which again fuels the on-going scenario.  Tricky huh?

After a quick return to the villa for Lincolns nap we vacated for the second terminator visit (yes apparently we've still got a few hardy ants who have managed to elude the previous extermination) and headed for the swimming pool.  It was a blast - Reece loved every second (until we had to leave), Lincoln slowly came round to the idea of getting wet (but not wild) and Gem crashed down "Tropical Cyclone" - Elveden's brand new vertical water slide.  It was then a race to the finishing line of tea-bath-bed.

The villa, as lovely as it is, is small and noise travels fast so our evenings are pretty much spent at a whisper with Gem pottering around, quietly getting things ready for the next day whilst desperately searching for a textable phone signal and me writing this.  We have ducks landing on the roof on and off (we are in the middle of a forest) and the local RAF making a din for 30 minutes around the kids bed time.  My only real wish is that Gem didn't feel the need to still vacuum and mop the floors every day but it strangely makes her happy - oh to have a housekeeper/slave...

Center Parcs - Part 1

The fear of making a long journey with the children is more routed in the fear of what will happen, rather than the reality of what actually happens.  We started our long journey to Center Parcs in Elveden after packing what felt like the entire contents of our house, strangely forgetting a handful of "vitals" of which Gem has already written a new shopping list for.  Christ, we're only here for a handful of days...  Anyway we arrived perfectly on time and located our villa.  It's set in the beautiful Elveden forest in Norfolk and is picturesque.  The children immediately fell in love and have been exploring every nook and cranny of the villa.  The first place of utter excitement being the gated (but not lockable) fireplace - why oh why the fireplace?!?!  After a quick unpack I took the car to the remote car park and trekked my way back to the villa but not before having a quick rekkie of the place and ordering some much needed food.  It looks like there is a lot to keep the kids occupied over the next few days.

Night 1 was always technically going to be the tester: first night in a different bed, in a strange place surrounded by strange noises.  The kids certainly didn't settle and Gem's continued obsession with the pesky ants (albeit what is to me only a handful) continued throughout the night.  So yes, it wasn't the best of nights for any of us.  I was, as a result, kind of expecting a bit of a lie in but oh no, Reece woke earlier than normal and came into our bed, full of the joys and excitement about the day ahead.  It's impossible (and to be you'd be a fool) to quell this excitement.  You just have to accept it and enjoy the fact that the sole purpose of this holiday is for the kids, to make sure that they have the best holiday ever.  And that's pretty much what we are doing - I think!  Lincoln woke shortly after and then the day was fully up and running.

We had ducks knocking at the patio window and, after throwing out a few biscuit and bread morsels, had the local fraternity consisting of squirrels, ducks, moorhens (or henmores as Reece now affectionately refers to them) and a mouse all challenging for their own breakfast.  The kids loved it.  When we were finally ready to go Reece was full of "what are we doing, can we go swimming, golf, archery, cycling, playing, exploring? now Now NOW?!!  Christ the questions and demands didn't end all day and the comprehension that maybe, just maybe his brother may 1) want a look in 2) need food and 3) need sleep didn't seem to even come into his equation.  Couple that with the fact that I knew that my work had a few problems which needed my input and there is literally NO phone signal nor wifi here at all (apart from a tiny window on a shelf in the front room, but that's the only place that we've found in the whole of Center Parcs (they really should tell you these things before you come!).  Now some people may criticise me here, saying that "you're on holiday, you should be able to switch off".  Well they'd be right but there are certain parts of my life which just don't allow this to happen.  Plus sods law works against me most of the time and this was no exception.  Anyway I managed to take a trek out, sort out my work problems and resume family responsibilities in a somewhat timely manner.  I also booked a few "activities" for Reece and Gem - more of that as they transpire...  The rest of the day was spent playing a pirate form of crazy golf, eating and trying to persuade the kids that our way really is the right way.

Back to the gym

I've always been into exercise and the gym.  At school all I was really good at was sports, art and music and since leaving at 16 I've been an avid gym member.  Training and the nutrition that goes with it has been a way of life and a top priority in everything I do and everywhere I go.  So it's been a bit of a culture shock to me to pretty much halve my training over the last 6 years and all but stop over the last 2.  The reason?  Kids.  Our "spirited" children have taken over everything, from sleep to food, from work to play and from dawn to dusk and everything in between.  Now don't get me wrong, I love my family and can honestly say that these are the best years of my wonderful life but with our families far, far away we have no support network so are on our own.

Every week or so I try and re-set my mind and infuse some determination to resume training.  Lincoln, our youngest, is now fast approaching 2 so feel that we must be nearly out of the trees.  Life is a conspiracy though.  Just when you think it's safe to set the alarm and go back to the gym something happens - tonsillitis, chicken pox, colds, teething, growth spurts, bronchiolitis... the list seemingly never ends and we seem to lurch from one catastrophe to the next.

Spring is coming though and with it spurts the new shoots of hope and a new chapter.  Today, albeit the day before we go on holiday for a week, I managed to get down the gym.  It felt great.  I've got to say though that either the other guys are getting younger or I'm beginning to notice my age.  In some I could see my 20 year old self: young, dumb and full of cum - strong as an ox with the enthusiasm and front to match.   I was always referred to as "pound for pound the strongest guy in the gym".  Yet today I was struggling with my old warm up weights.  The difference today?  The ego.  The weight doesn't matter - I've been there, seen that and done it.  What's different now is that I don't care, I don't feel that I have to compete.

What was funny was the other characters there - clearly and uniquely represented by this video I saw the other day.  It seems the next generation have arrived... 

A karma business

It's been 3 years since our last family holiday but we’re 3 days away from our next.  It’s only a 5 day break to Centre Parcs but for us it’s a milestone.  That's the joy of owning and running a business or two, the fact that work never really finishes, that you never really switch off and never really feel the release from the pressure of "providing".  You have the constant pressure of money, of having to make enough of it to pay staff, suppliers and every other begging bastard bugger.  So whilst the employees slope off at the end of the day and week, looking forward to another relaxing evening or weekend, my mind is racing with who I've got to pay and how I'm going to make enough money to keep my family in the style that they have come so easily accustomed to.  There are no steps back, no let ups and no real comprehension as to what you are faced with.  I remember some time ago when my main business was faced with a bad debt mountain and was falling into administration, the feeling of worry, of inadequacy and of panic that I was going to lose everything and that my young family would be homeless.  I remember going to the cinema with a friend and telling him of my plight – his reaction?  “Oh you’ll be alright though”.  Nothing more, just “you’ll be alright though”.  Amazing.  No pause, no thought as to what I was going through, nothing.

You may be like me, feeling that you spend a lot of your working life trying to please others, trying to keep staff happy and trying to bend over backwards to provide the best service to your customers.  Are we wrong to feel perturbed that this is not reciprocal?  That your staff don’t give you the same consideration?  That your suppliers don’t even care?  I like to think that this is what sets us apart.  I like to think that there is such a thing as “karma” and that one day my time will come – one day…

You can calm down, I'm back...

I know it's been a while since my last blog but life has been somewhat hectic.  If you've been following me on twitter (@spiceworld24) you will know that I have two children (Reece and Lincoln), a wonderful wife (Gem) and run two businesses - Spicer International and RiE-Store, both of which have been taking up more than a full time job.  Plus I've been trying to fit in writing a sitcom with Bedlam Media partner Philip Gamble and pushing and promoting various other businesses.  Blog writing has seemed to take a bit of a back seat, especially whilst having to keep up the social media life of these various ventures!

Anyway something in my life had to give and that was my part in music band The Channel.  I still wish them all the success in the world but at 42 I really don't think I'm the man for the front stage job.  I'm still writing music and have been approached to write some music for another artist, something that I am really looking forward to doing (when I get a minute!!).

Like most people I guess, I often get inspiration for blogs (and most other stuff) at the most inconvenient times.  At the moment it seems to be whilst out walking the dog and normally when I've left my phone at home and don't have the opportunity to record my idea or scribble a note.  By the time I get home the train of thought is gone and the idea potentially lost forever.

Anyway I'm going to try and write more personal blogs plus link you to all the other stuff that is taking up my life.  Hopefully then I'll have a good log of my life as it flashes by...

Thanks for reading and stay tuned!